How is it that the thrills of erotic hypnosis are still a best kept, sexual secret, in spite of countless YouTube videos, numerous how-to books, and ardent practitioners all over the world? Basic techniques are not difficult to learn and the rewards can be immediate, yet for some reason, erotic hypnosis still makes some people hesitant or nervous.
As an expert in the field, let me assure you. There’s very little reason for people who are already intimate to worry about recreational uses of affectionate, romantic, and explicitly erotic hypnosis. Just use your common sense, create agreements about consent and boundaries, and get some basic instruction. That last part is the most important. There's a lot of content out there claiming to teach these techniques, but you should learn from an experienced practitioner.
Once you put in some diligent practice time, you too can begin to explore fascinating types of fantasy, sensation, and/or power play, alone or with one or more consenting partners. You don’t even have to be physically together to enjoy this incredible practice!
How erotic hypnosis works
It all starts with somebody (you or a partner) getting into a relaxed, slower brain wave state that — for lack of more precise terminology — we call a trance. All you need are words (spoken or text), slower breathing, and sometimes a simple touch, like brief pressure on a shoulder or knees, to cue the hypnotic subject to relax even more. After that, the hypnotist can deliver more explicit, arousing suggestions that explore fantasies, produce tantalizing physical sensations, create or deepen power dynamics, and so much more!
It’s important to start slowly with erotic hypnosis. First, practice basic hypnosis techniques that have nothing to do with creating sexual feelings. You’ll want to learn a reliable induction (creating a relaxed state), one or two deepening techniques (which can be as simple as counting down from 10 to one), a few simple ways to create physical sensations or fantasies, and a way to invite your partner back to a normal state of awareness, also called emergence.
Don’t set yourself up for hypo-performance anxiety by trying to get your partner to hypnotically orgasm in your very first session. It’s helpful for the person in the hypnotic subject role to pretend to be hypnotized while the hypnotist gets comfortable with reading scripts aloud and delivering suggestions. You both need to feel relaxed in order for this to work.
How erotic hypnosis can improve your sex life
If you're interested in exploring erotic hypnosis, here are five ways you can use these techniques to improve your sex life!
Getting in the right headspace
Imagine how lovely it would be to close your eyes and listen to five minutes of soft, kind words of affection and appreciation from your partner, words that make you feel bonded and emotionally secure, including plenty of ego-strengthening, affectionate affirmations. Sounds amazing, right?
If your day has been difficult and you’re too stressed to even think about sex, ask your partner to indulge you with a long, soothing progressive relaxation induction that gradually shifts into sensual, arousing imagery. This can be as simple as reading a script (there are plenty on the internet), though you can certainly ad lib once you learn more about basic hypnotic techniques.
This technique can also be a precursor to assisting your partner in overcoming sexual inhibitions or to encouraging them to try something new — with their explicit consent, of course.
Ten years ago I surveyed 225 users of erotic hypnosis and many added their own thoughts to their responses. Several remarked on the closeness and bonding that resulted from erotic hypnosis, as well as the benefits of experiencing deep relaxation before more going on to more sexual activities.
Even if you do nothing else with hypnosis, considering taking turns sharing a practice like this on a regular basis.
Getting in the mood
In order to become aroused and sustain that feeling, you need to stay on the good side of your parasympathetic nervous system. At least until you’re close to orgasm, which is when your sympathetic nervous system kicks into high gear.
To do this, combine hypnotic relaxation techniques with a 4- count breath to increase sexual self-confidence and banish performance anxiety. Hypnosis really can help you to shut down self-conscious thought and enable you to experience a deeper, sensual state.
Hypnotic scripts are great for this, and it’s better if you write your own or adapt language from an existing script. Consult your hypnotic partner about words, images, and situations that you both like and incorporate them into your relaxing, sensuous script.
Getting in the body
When you’re “entranced,” it’s easy to experience an increase in sensual awareness and sensation by simply listening to your lover’s suggestions and succumbing to the power of their and your imagination. Collaborate with your hypnotic partner to create a hypnosis script that evokes desire and sensuality. Your bodies will naturally respond.
One person in my survey recalled a hypnotized partner saying, “Oh my god, I’ve never been this wet before!”
Hypnosis plus touch is also a potent combination. In situations where one or both partners are deaf or hard of hearing, it’s possible to use combinations of written words, sign language, visual signals, and touch to create sexy hypnotic experiences. Spoken word is the most common tool in hypnosis, but it’s not necessary.
Erotic hypnosis enthusiasts often talk about the techniques' unique ability to get them to connect with their bodies and elicit the body's sexual responses.
Getting hot and bothered
Your induction and deepening techniques can certainly include some sensual and sexual language, sprinkled in with general relaxation suggestions. However your main enjoyments will take place in what I call “the heart of the session.” Here, you’ll focus on key elements of erotic arousal that are particularly fun for you and your partners. And if you don’t know what those are, ask!
Ideas can include increasing or decreasing specific sensations — such as warmth, tingling, coolness, pressure, and heaviness — and moving them around the body. Imagine what an increase of tingling in your hand can feel like when that sensation then moves to the genitals. You can also create or allow fantasy scenarios as they arise, visualize trying new sexual activities, and/or create hypnotic scenes which deepen BDSM role play, including mind-control and domination, with explicit, enthusiastic consent, of course.
You can also increase your own, or your partner’s, desire and hunger for sex.
A word about hypno-gasms: it takes some practice to get there, but many experienced practitioners use hypnosis to create or control orgasms. One way to learn this is to build confidence in your (or your partner’s) capacity to feel physical sensations by creating and experiencing other sensations first, such as tingly, hot, cold, and heaviness.
This becomes a convincer of sorts: “just as you can feel tingly in the palm of your hand, you can also feel so tingly, so very, very stimulated in your clitoris that you can’t help but cum when I tell you.”
That said, there are many hypnotic orgasm techniques that you can use to create, edge, or ruin orgasms. Experiment until you find techniques that work for your and your partner(s).
Erotic hypnosis can be enjoyed on its own, without physical touch, or it can be incorporated into physical sex in just about any way you please.
Getting kinky and then some
It might seem a little bit kooky, but misperceptions of hypnosis are often the very things that erotic hypnotists love to explore. This could include mind control and hypno-domination games like Robot Dolly. People into D/s might use hypnosis to deepen experiences of submission. If this sounds unnerving, remember that an erotic hypnosis session should be an agreed upon scene, just any other kinky play, and you have the right to say no to anything that you don’t want.
You and your partner(s) can use hypnosis to imagine and rehearse something you might want to try in the future, or to provide an extra dimension for your current enjoyments. You can create wild and elaborate fantasy scenarios without spending a dime on equipment and toys. You can even use hypnosis to imagine and “experience” the impossible, like hypno-bondage.
If you want a real rush, try using hypnosis in tandem with tantric practices and many other sexy activities.
But there’s more
Because you’re using your imagination, erotic hypnosis has a lot to offer people who have chronic illnesses and/or physical impairments that might make some sexual activities difficult. With erotic hypnosis, you can create imaginative workarounds that take your mind – and your sexual responses – where your body might not physically follow.
Erotic hypnosis is also great for long distance relationships, helping those who are separated to maintain connection, intimacy, and a consistent sex life. You can hypnotize your partners, or be hypnotized yourself, via phone calls, video calls, and text.
Getting started with erotic hypnosis
Here are some easy steps for bringing hypnosis into your intimate relationship(s):
- Always plan with your partner, and get consent for various elements prior to the session.
- Don’t add surprises to your agreed upon scripts unless you’ve been doing this for a fairly long time and are both comfortable with each other’s desires, kinks, etc. Even so, get consent for surprises, in advance.
- Incorporate affectionate, ego-strengthening sessions with your partner on a regular basis.
- Take turns showering your partner with words of love, appreciation, and encouragement, and don’t forget to reinforce their desirability and sexiness.
- Create sessions to diminish stress and increase relaxation before intimacy.
- Create special, memorable erotic hypnosis sessions.
- Talk over what works and what doesn’t. Be supportive of your own and your partner’s learning processes. Let it be a mutual exploration, not a chore.
- Never forget aftercare and checking in after an erotic hypnosis session.
- Finally, listen if your partner says “no.” Learn erotic self-hypnosis instead.
There is no substitute for regular practice, but books, private lessons from a knowledgeable practitioner, and erotic hypnosis workshops and conferences are some of the best ways to learn and broaden your skills. However, be careful of YouTube videos. There’s a lot of misinformation that you may not recognize at first.
Let yourself become entranced, or enjoy entrancing your partner. You might find that a whole new realm of sexual enjoyments open up for you and yours.
