Unfortunately, there’s still a lot of stigma surrounding gender, which causes many to feel afraid or hesitant to explore their gender expression and/or gender identity. People may feel shame or embarrassment about their gender for any number of reasons, including a religious upbringing or living in a more conservative household. Often these feelings prevent people from expressing this side of themselves or their authentic identity with loved ones.
Because of this, some people seek the safe refuge that a sex worker can provide. Exploring gender play with a sex worker allows people to experiment with their gender expression and gender identity with someone they don't know personally, which often allows them to open up in a way they can't in their regular lives.
Unfortunately, not all sex workers are familiar with gender play. So, we're walking you through what gender play is, how to create a safe environment for gender play, and how to make a plan for playing with informed consent.
What is a Gender Play?
Regardless of what some people in the world want to think, gender is a spectrum. Gender play is playing within that spectrum. Essentially, you're altering someone’s every day appearance and mannerisms to embody a different gender. Most people probably think of the transformation from masculine to feminine or feminine to masculine when someone mentions gender play, but it doesn’t have to be from one gender binary to the other. There are myriad ways to express and embody gender, many of which don't fit into the gender binary.
As a sex worker, engaging in gender play with a client doesn’t have to be sexual or kinky in nature. Someone may just want to feel more comfortable in their own skin, to explore what gender means to them, or even experiment with different gender presentations. If that's the case, your job is just to create a welcoming, nonjudgmental space where they can freely experiment not only with their sexuality, but gender as well.
It should go without saying that this should all be done with informed consent, but we'll say it anyway. Thorough negotiation before the activities begin keep you and your clients safe.
Now that we've covered the basics, let's dive into the many fun ways to play with gender…
Sissification or Feminization
Typically, sissification or feminization involves taking a masculine person and flipping them to be feminine, but not always. A woman might come to you because they want to play with being more feminine or hyper-feminine. A more extreme form of this play is bimbofication.
Within feminization, there are typically a couple of different ways to play: humiliating and degrading or encouraging and supportive. Make sure you let the client choose which way they want to play as humiliation or degradation could lead to even more shame.
When engaging in these types of activities, consider employing the power of colors such as pastels, pinks, or purples since those are seen as more dainty and girly. You might also want to alter the language you use, including more words like frilly, sissy, delicate, etc.
Some people may want you to use different terms when referring to their body parts during this kind of gender play. For example, calling their penis a clit and their anus a bussy. You can even give these parts nicknames, which can be a great way to bond with your client!
If feminization and sissification are types of sessions you want to offer, invest in accessories to sell the experience such as collars, gags, and breast forms to change the appearance of the body.
There’s often an underlying taboo to this type of gender play because, in our society, being female means being inferior. But sissification can be a rather empowering experience where you honor the divine feminine that's in most of us.
Masculinization
The opposite of feminization, the act of masculinization accentuates masculine traits or features. Most folks who seek out sex workers are male-identifying, so masculinization isn't usually as popular as feminization. But you can still make men who seek out your services more “masculine” according to our society's standard of masculinity. Women or people assigned female at birth who are questioning their gender may want to play with masculinization as well.
Regardless of your client's sex or gender, there are so many different ways to play with masculinization. Draw facial hair on them. Make them do push ups to build their muscle mass. Have them wear more masculine clothing.
For women or people assigned female at birth, consider binding their breasts, having them wear a packer or strap on, and/or having them adopt more “manly” mannerisms.
With the client's permission, you could even encourage them make ongoing changes: cutting their nails to be shorter, growing eyebrows to be bushier, growing body hair, getting a more masculine haircut or even shaving their head.
Similar to feminization and sissification, you can alter the terms used for genitals or nicknames you use for them (dude, bro, my guy, boy). The verbiage you use for sexual acts may be different as well. Words as “stroke,” “jerk-off,” “blowjob,” “handjob,” or “head” may find their way to your vocabulary during your session.
Treat them like you would any other male client so they can feel what it's like to move through the world as a man.
Dollification
Dollification is a form of role play, or in more extreme forms a lifestyle choice, where one person takes on the attributes of a doll. You would then be seen as the “maker” in this dynamic. This can involve dressing up and/or partaking in activities that emphasize that doll-like state. Some examples of different types of dolls to explore are ragdoll, Barbie, marionette, baby rubber doll, and pleasurebot.
One of the great ways to explore this is through objectification because now the submissive is “not human,” but rather an object to be owned. It can be beneficial for a submissive to play with this because it can be a way to to shut down their brain and remove responsibilities since they’re just present to be played with like a toy.
Some folks they really love extravagant and lavish costumes involved in being dressed up like a doll. Some really love to feel valued and treasured. For inspiration, think back to when you were little and had a favorite dolly or stuffed animal! Others may want to explore the “limp” fetish, where the submissive doesn’t give any reaction to what you, the Dominant, are doing to them.
When negotiating before your scene, discuss creative ways to use safe words that don’t interrupt the flow of the scene.
Hypnosis
The power of hypnosis can be extremely potent, and should never be done without careful negotiation. I also suggest not engaging in this type of play without being certified or trained by a professional. You are playing with the subconscious, and this can have lasting effects so doing so safely and ethically is of the utmost importance.
If done correctly, though, hypnosis it can really enhance gender play, allowing people to experience things they can't in the real world. You can use hypnotic suggestion to make someone feel like they have body parts that they don’t actually have. For some people assigned female at birth, hypnotic suggestion can make their strap-on look and feel like a bio-penis. For some people assigned male at birth, hypnotic suggestion can make them feel like they have huge breasts that they can now bounce up and down.
Of course, hypnosis and hypnotic suggestion works differently for everyone, and it doesn't work at all for some. So, results vary widely.
One of the amazing aspects of using hypnosis for gender play is that you don’t necessarily need all the bells and whistles; the power of the mind is the only tool you need. But it is an incredibly powerful tool that can cause harm. Sometimes hypnosis can be so powerful that you may need to “go back in” and reconfigure the settings of your post-hypnotic triggers. Again, please only use this tool if you've been trained by a professional.
Photoshoots
By engaging in a photoshoot, you provide the client a unique opportunity to see themselves in a different light and through someone else’s eyes while playing with the gender they're exploring. They may be able to see a different kind of beauty shining through, regardless of the gender expression they're playing with. This may also give them the first opportunity they've ever had to see their authentic self.
Direct them into poses that reflect the gender you’ve transformed them into. If it’s a more feminine expression, tell them to entice you and be slutty, to show off their body for you. Shoot from a downward angle to play up the small and demure aspect of femininity.
If you’ve made them more masculine, have them stand tall or show off muscles. Consider shooting from an upwards angle to accentuate the power now assigned to them.
You can play with different wardrobe changes to exemplify their new style.
The photos give them a physical reminder for them of your time together, as well as something they can look back on as they reflect on their gender. Bonus: if they sign a photo release, you can use the photos as advertising to get more clients interested in gender play.
Shopping Trips
Going on a shopping trip with a client can be a way for them to play in public without being over the top since they don’t have to be expressing the gender they're playing with. Some people don’t even know where to start when they want to explore a different gender expression, so they need an expert guide. You can just browse with them and get ideas for creating a look to play with later behind closed doors. If someone is new and doesn’t want to be obvious with their gender transformation, you can start small and help them pick out a new perfume or cologne that is opposite of what they normally wear.
Or you could go for a more intense public transformation. Start the day as one gender, get a makeover to accentuate gendered features, look for lingerie or underwear to build the base layer, then hit a department store for outerwear.
As you go through the day together, coach them on their mannerisms: how they eat, how they walk and talk, their gestures, and more. Build their look and persona as you go on so by the end of the day, they look and feel like a whole different person!
Role Play
Gender play doesn't always have to involve a physical transformation! Taking on traditionally gendered roles that are commonly more feminine (secretary, childcare worker, nurse, etc) or masculine (doctor, athlete, construction worker, etc) and acting out those roles together can be an excellent way to play with gender. Accessories and costumes can really aid in the experience to make it feel more realistic which can be helpful.
Consider how you can include power exchange in the experience to uphold the dynamic. Like, if they want to be the secretary, you would take on the role of the boss. If they want, you could even add some sexual play to this dynamic that allows them to act out traditionally feminine or masculine sexual roles as well. Who doesn't love a good secretary/boss or doctor/naughty nurse scene? The key with this is to have fun with it!
Scene negotiation is really important when roleplaying with gender play. Some clients may want a script to help the session flow easily and ensure no one’s stumbling over what to say. Laying out the scene upfront leaves less room for disappointment or discomfort.
Some people who have a harder time admitting that they want to explore gender really like role play because it allows them to be a character of a different gender, not themselves transforming into a different gender.
A few more considerations for gender play
When engaging with gender play, it’s important to discuss the mood someone is looking for as it can alter how you interact with them. If someone is looking for a more caring experience, you could do a lot of damage by engaging in humiliation play around gender. Take into account their goal and what they’re looking to accomplish with you.
Toward the end of your session, make time to talk about the experience and debrief about your time together. It can help you to better understand their experience and adjust next time. This will also help your client process their feelings about the experience, which may be intense. Make sure you're not playing therapist, just being an active listener.
Whatever brings someone to you, as a sex worker, you can truly make a difference in people’s lives by providing them a safe space to explore themselves.
