How to Jerk Off Someone Else: Why You Shouldn’t Sleep on the Humble Handjob

When most adults are offered a good ol’ fashioned handjob, most would respond only one way.

“Really? What is this? Summer camp?”

Most men (or people born with penises) see handjobs as more of a consolation prize; something small to tide you over or open up more exciting sexual activities. After all, who knows how to jerk off your dong better than, well, you?

But a passionate and well-performed handjibber is nothing to scoff at. In fact, I’ll die on the hill that a great handjob can rival a blowjob. The problem is that many people don’t know how to perform this art or just don’t bother and skip to other types of fun. 

If you want to know how to jerk off your partner and make their toes curl and eyes roll, you’ll find this guide…

…handy.

What is a Handjob?

With so many folks turning their noses up at handjobs, it might be a good idea to run through a quick refresher.

Handjobs are a form of outerplay, meaning non-penetrative sex, where you stimulate your playmate’s penis with your hand in a fashion similar to them jacking off. You stroke the shaft from base to tip until they orgasm. 

While that sounds pretty basic, and it might get the job done, but there’s a lot you can do to make handjobs so amazing they'll become a staple in your bedroom.

How to Give a Decent Handjob

Here’s a no-frills guide on how to jerk off your partner. We’ll get into how you can level up your handjobs later, but let’s just start with the basics.

Rev Their Engines

The first step to jacking off your partner is for them to want it. 

Get your partner going with a bit of foreplay. Touch them, whisper some dirty talk into their ear, whatever they like. Rub their crotch on the outside of their clothing and get them good and hard. Feel free to take your time here and really drive them wild. 

When it’s time, whip it out for them and move on to step two. Unless they have some complicated clothing, then let them help. They’ll rip their pants off faster than you thought possible, trust. 

Find the Perfect Fit

Wrap your hand, palm and fingers, around their shaft with a solid amount of pressure. 

By “solid” I mean a decent squeeze without strangling their penis. We don’t need an iron grip here, just enough to give a good, tight feeling. 

If you’re unsure about how much pressure to apply, don’t be afraid to look to your partner for cues. If you can't read their expression, just go ahead and ask. Nothing wrong with a bit of communication.

Feel the Rhythm & Get Into the Groove

Start stroking up and down their shaft at a comfortable pace. You don’t need to get all “Dom Toretto” and go fast and furious right away. Start nice and slow and pay attention to how they react. 

You're already doing a lot of work, I know, but if you want to know how to jerk off your partner properly, you need to read their body language as well. Every rolling of the eyes or bucking of their hips will lead you to victory.

When it feels right, speed up a bit and focus on different areas. You can give, nice, long strokes all the way up and down before switching up and giving shorter, quicker strokes closer to the tip.

You might feel your arm getting tired. If so, don’t feel bad about switching hands. 

Finish Strong!

When it feels like the end is nigh, focus more towards the tip and speed up your strokes. Don’t stop, even as they're cumming. As they finish, slow it down and lengthen the stroking action. You can even loosen your grip for more of a soft caress. They’ll be extra sensitive, so, no need to go hard here. 

Hopefully, you either have some clean-up material like a cumsock nearby or don’t care where the load lands. Whatever your plan, do your best not to break the momentum by scrounging around for something or worrying about a bit of semen on the couch. 

Give them a moment to bask in the afterglow and pat yourself on the back for handjob well done. 

How to Give a Killer Handjob

Now that you have the basics down, let’s learn how to jerk off your partner so well that they’ll beg for more handjobs in the future. 

Oddly enough, you notice that most of these tips are about everything around the actual handjob. Yes, getting the basic techniques and actions down are important, but think of it like being a great actor. 

Anyone can read a script, but it’s how you perform it and the extra touches that define the difference between a dull night at the theater and a standing ovation. 

Ironically, if you give a good enough handjob, they won’t be able to give you a standing ovation... because they won't be able to stand. 

Tip # 1: LUBE!

This is the top tip because it really is the go-to enhancement for almost any sexual act. It’s also the easiest. You could skip every other tip and using some lubrication will still make a huge difference. 

Using some lube we offer in the Kinkly Shop is an excellent way to go. We guarantee that the lubricants we feature are body-safe and work a treat.

That being said, if you’re in a pinch and need something on short notice, you can use body-safe options in your home like olive or coconut oil. Anything that won’t cause problems with your skin.

Of course, there is always saliva. Bringing some spit to the party is not only effective but also pretty goddamn hot. 

Tip # 2: Set the Mood

If you want handjobs to be the main event, you have to treat it like one. 

Dim the lights, wear something you know drives your partner crazy, and have them sink into a nice, comfy position.

Start with getting them to forget their troubles and just be in the moment.  Let them know that this is about taking care of them and that they can relax. There’s a reason massages and happy endings go hand-in-hand.

Tip # 3: Torture Them

Okay, not literally. Unless y’all are into that sort of thing. 

What I mean is to use some foreplay to really tease them. Draw things out with your touch, the sound of your voice, the feel of your lips on their body, whatever tricks you have up your sleeve to turn them into jelly.

Not only will this heighten the experience for them, but it can save your arms. If they’re already close to popping, your job is a lot easier. 

Tip # 4: Don’t Forget About Their Balls

Quick and easy tip for how to jerk off your paramour with a peen is to remember the little guys. By that, I mean their testes and scrotum. 

Stoke, suck, tickle, and fondle their coin purse for some bonus sensation! 

Tip # 5 Put On A Show!

Most men and AMAB people know how to jerk off. They’ve been jacking off a good portion of their lives and have it down to a science. But, no matter how long they've been doing it, most still need some form of mental stimulation to get the process started. 

That could be porn, a memory, a fantasy, or the sight of a shapely pear at the market. 

Either way, you need to excite and tantalize your partner to give a truly mind-blowing handjob. An excellent way to do this is by getting on your knees between their legs and looking into their eyes while talking dirty. 

Show them how much you enjoy pleasing them and you can be that shapely pear.

You may know what they like, but don't be afraid to venture into new territory. This can also be a way to play with new fantasies. Talk them off with something they’ve been wanting to experiment with. It’s a fun way to dip your toes in the water. 

Tip # 6: Use Some Toys

Throwing some toys like masturbation sleeves or penis vibrators into the mix is a quick and easy way to ramp up the intensity of a handjob. 

Penile or male masturbation sleeves add extra grip and texture, with some even bringing some suction to the party, and usually don’t require any extra effort on your part. Penis vibrators add some extra buzz to the proceedings, and who doesn’t love that?

If your partner is game, toys like prostate massagers can also jack up your jacking off by stimulating the prostate gland. Think of it like a G-spot for AMAB people. Hell, if you don’t have an appropriate toy around, use your fingers. 

Does that move this from the realm of handjobs to fingering? Let’s leave that to the scholars and philosophers. 

Exalting the humble handjob

We have not given handjobs the respect they deserve, but that changes today.

Now that you know how to give both a good handjob and how to jerk off your penis-packing-playmate like a virtuoso, we can all come together and ensure the handjob’s place in the pantheon of pleasure.