Sensual Touch: How to Have Mind-Blowing Sex Without Penetration

What if I were to tell you that you could enjoy some of the best sex of your life, deepen the sensual and emotional connection with your partner, and explore new levels of intimacy... without any actual penetration? Wild, I know. But stick with me.

Do you equate sex with penetration? Most people do, but I’m here to tell you that sex can involve so much more than that. And, you can share a beautiful experience in which you explore deep intimacy with your partner and experience erotic pleasure, with zero intercourse required.

I often work with clients – men, women and couples – who are not able to have penetrative intercourse. It may not be possible for various reasons, or sometimes, people just choose not to do it. Regardless of the reasons, I tell my clients that zero penetration does not equal zero sex life! And now I'm telling you.

Let's explore how redefining your ideas about sex and engaging in non-penetrative sexual activity can not only revitalize your sex life, but also revitalize your connection with your partner.

Ask yourself: what are you seeking through sex?

Seriously, pause for a moment and ask yourself what exactly are you craving when connecting sexually with someone? Perhaps you want to lose yourself in the depths of a physical or emotional connection? To feel present in your body? To feel confident and empowered? To forget about everything else, let go of your worries and obligations? To get that feeling of letting go and dissolving and merging into one with yourself and your partner? Of course, you're probably seeking pleasure, ecstasy and bliss as well. But what are you seeking on a deeper level?

This reflective practice, which combines elements of tantric practice and sacred sexuality, will allow you to pinpoint exactly what you want from sex with a partner. And it's worth noting that the physical act of penetration might not be on your list!

Defining what you want from a sexual connection can highlight the fact that you're looking for a lot more than a physical experience, allowing you to create a beautiful, deeply erotic experience regardless of the sexual acts that take place.

Start by experimenting with sensual touch 

When you're exploring sexual connection without penetration, it helps to bring everything back to the most basic level – sensual and erotic touch. To begin this practice, offer your partner a sensual massage.

This is not the kind of massage you get at a spa, not an average, therapeutic, relaxing or even deep tissue massage. This sensual massage engages the entire body, including the parts that regular massage therapists definitely don't touch. And, of course, this massage works best when both parties are fully naked.

This is your chance to get creative with touch. Stroke and caress as much of your partner's body as possible using different types of touch, and ask them to do the same for you. But don't limit this massage to hands only. Experiment with kissing, licking, biting, and teasing. Try sliding your body over theirs. The more contact you have,the more sensual it will feel. 

If you're feeling adventurous, incorporate some sensation play. Touch your partner with feathers, velvet, other fabrics, or some oil. Or if you're into more kinky sensation play, maybe some candle wax. You can even use some aphrodisiac foods to engage their taste buds.

There are a few principles to follow during this practice to ensure it is a deeply connecting experience:

Be fully present 

Imagine that nothing else exists in that moment, and try to fully focus on the simple act of touching your partner. Bring your awareness to exactly where your skin is touching, how it feels in your body, and where your bodies are meeting in each moment. Your mind may wander but try to catch it when it does by bringing your attention back to the touch as often as you can.

Presence is essential to building safety and trust with our partners. It's also essential for sinking deeper into our bodies and, consequently, into pleasure. Presence will make all the difference!

Focus on your breath

Did you know you can improve your sex life just by focusing on your breath? You can use various breathing techniques to relax your body and slow your heart rate, or to ramp things up, and in this case, bring more energy and activation to the areas being touched.

In this practice, the partner receiving the massage may want to try taking deep breaths through their mouth. This will oxygenate and energize the body, which will help take the sensations of the sensual touch to another level.

Find pleasure in giving

Often, we're so focused on ourselves and what we will receive from a sexual connection that once it's our turn to give, we don’t truly experience pleasure from giving pleasure to someone else. This can stop us from being present and focusing on our partner. It may be a challenge at first, but when you're practicing sensual touch with your partner, notice how good it feels to give them pleasure. Notice how it makes you feel in your body and mind. Connect with the pleasure of giving pleasure.

Tune into your partner's sexual energy

Everyone's body responds quite differently when things get hot and intense. Some people's sexual energy can be awakened quite quickly. This is often true for men and other people with penises, but not always. If this is the case for your partner, you might not spend much time touching their entire body. A short full body massage is probably enough before moving your focus to their genitals, activating the sexual energy there to move pleasure throughout the entire body.

On the other hand, some people's sexual energy needs to be activated much more slowly. If your partner needs a lot of foreplay and attention to get in the mood, take your time to touch, caress and activate every single inch of their body, giving love and attention to every little finger and toe, before slowly and finally moving to their erogenous zones. The genitals should be the final area to receive any stimulation. By that point, they'll be begging for it.

Remove expectations, especially for an orgasm

When experimenting with non-penetrative sexual experiences, it's important to not be goal oriented. Leave all your expectations at the door. Let go of any pressure to do a specific thing for your partner. This is not about getting her wet, or giving him an erection. It's about experiencing erotic pleasure together. Just be present with your partner and sink into the realms of pleasure, enjoying every moment, no matter what the outcome.

If an orgasm happens in the end, that’s just a fun little bonus. But do not chase a climax. Rather, focus on being in the experience with your partner, and allow your body to feel what it wants to feel.

Take your time 

I encourage you to dedicate at least 30 minutes to this experience, or even longer if you can. This gives you the time you need to really focus on your partner without worrying that you'll be late for something or about what you have to do next. And trust me, if you're really present in this practice of sensual touch, you won't be wondering what time it is.

Only have time for a quickie? That's okay too. Engaging in this erotic practice for even just 15 minutes will benefit your sex life and keep the spark alive. Plus, a quick little sensual touching session can really build excitement for the next time you're together.

Sex can be so much more

Though sex is most often defined as specific sexual activities, usually penetrative activities, that often result in orgasm for one or both partners, sex is so much more than that. Sex is an energetic, physical, emotional, and mental connection between two people, and there are so many ways to create that sexual connection than just penetration.

Practicing sensual touch activates the sexual energy throughout entire body and allows you to experience sexual connection on a deeper level, beyond just the physical connection. Engaging in sensual touch with your partner will open your heart allowing you to feel more love for your partner, and feel more loved in return.

If you follow the steps correctly, It could even lead to a full-body energy orgasm! (Though again, this is NOT the goal.)

I hope this practice will broaden your understanding of sex and illustrate just how limitless your sexuality can be. Have fun!